I'm not quite sure why, but I've felt very lucky to have a college degree. I never, at any point, felt I worked hard specifically for the degree, because I was always working hard in an individual subject, trying to get my mind around the material. There was an end goal in mind, but it never felt like a piece of paper - or even the idea of a diploma - could be a proper manifestation of multiple individual battles. Now, with some time and plenty of distance behind me, I'm seeing that. I'm seeing that, indeed, it's one of the few hard copies, or proof, that you've worked your ass off. And sometimes, though idealistically not necessary, this proof is very necessary to keep you going through months of recognition-less work. Even the idea of recognition grates on me, admitting that what others think, is necessary to internal success. But when you're doing things for other people, there are no other measures.
I think that's my step back from the wall for today. I don't know that I have had enough time to take a good, long look for a few weeks.
Friday was extremely busy, including spending almost three hours hand-writing a proposal after the town lost power, and the computer lab essentially was reduced to a very expensive small room.
Falling asleep at the work table had one advantage, though - mefloquine-induced dreams. I even had my first Changana dream, a result of speaking more and more of it every day, learning new words all the time. Pretty cool, because it started off in Portuguese.
As a result of all this local language learning, however, I'm noticing that my Portuguese is pretty stagnant. I suppose there's an upper limit as to how much language one can take in. Though I think it only applies to speaking, or it's that the understanding half hasn't hit the wall just yet. I'm understanding a LOT more Portuguese than I did just a few months ago - and Changana.
Peace
John
