Going out to the discoteca last night was a good idea. Eating half a chicken was probably not. Well, everyone else enjoyed it at least. That is, seeing me eat meat.
Got to hang out with the new trainees and I'm amazed by how much they're taking in stride by the 2nd week, but still how many simple questions (to a volunteer, at least) they ask. I'm starting to feel like I've been here a year, but it's easier to see that from the other side of things. I don't notice the changes as much as others do.
And there are some very interesting people among this new group, which isn't to say our group didn't amaze me. But this experience just pulls such a wide variety of people, all with stories to tell that you could spend your entire experience just getting to know the other volunteers. I find it incredible how people don't wear their experiences on their faces, but let it be discovered little by little. This mystery seems to be what makes people all the more interesting. I don't know how easily I could be wrapped up in conversation with someone I already know by detailed biography or fame.
As I have more of these experiences, I inevitably ask where all this is going, what I am leading up to by growing out of myself and finding these things in other people that I wish to have in me, too. And what all this business about being better with people will bring me - if my current goal is just to see the end of this experience. It seems to me I should be more goal-oriented in terms of external objectives. I know I want to work to help other people, but even after a year of being here, I'm still at square one, wondering how I want to go about accomplishing that goal.
Maybe this is the secret. Maybe I need to realize that as long as I've never found an answer to that question, there are more doors open to me - and possibly a goal should just be to pursue the answer to the question. Maybe in 50 years I'll be able to answer it better, but it would make for quite a dull life to know what EXACTLY I wanted to do with myself. For me.
And so maybe this is the change that comes about in so many people that causes them to change how they look at the world after Peace Corps. Instead of seeing a path in front of them that leads them to manifesting their idealism, they realize that finding the path is truly the idealism speaking. And in career/straight-line oriented America, this is hard to take and understand.
Jake and I discussed the general pathetic state of affairs in American politics, screaming over 2 year-old hip hop. Though we are somewhat ideologically different, we vehemently agreed that we need a leader with passion and level-headedness. We don't even want to vote when it comes down to a question of issues. Why should politics be about issues, when it's the government, everywhere in the world, that makes very subjective decisions. There is never a clear-cut decision - every tiny vote a legislator makes is full of subplots and political gestures.
So why do we choose leaders based upon the criteria that end up being compromised and not the criteria that really matter: patience, analytical thinking, people skills, calmness, open-mindedness, and passion for universal political ideals? I think we take the easy way out and match ourselves up ideologically because you can total them up and compare - they're tangible. You have to KNOW a person in order to judge their calmness in adverse situations.
I am by no means suggesting a political career. It just seems to make so much sense why we are so fed up with the political system. We see passion every day in the eyes of our students who want to change their community. We know they don't yet have all of the necessary skills, but they have the desire. Which is more important?
Peace
John
