Today, peace seems more likely but there are many questions to be answered.
I worked on my kids' grades today. They have grades on a 0-20 scale instead of A-F or 0-100. Passing is considered 10 or above. About 75% of my kids are failing which is NOT good. Hopefully that will drastically improve this next semester.
Today was a tough day mentally. I'm pretty homesick, questioning why I'm here and want to stay here for another 20 or so months. I spent much of the day deep in thought, which is always dangerous.
Also, more and more students are demonstrating their disapproval with my exam proctoring and grading/test-giving habits, though Tober has been maintaining to them that he did the same thing.
And classes are getting more frustrating as it's the end of the trimester and many professors are not giving more classes and students are expecting to get out early or just not have classes at all. Plus, I'm trying very simple exercises in understanding the material instead of simply having them memorize the phrases, with very few results. It's so frustrating because that's one of the foundations of our educational system and it's completely foreign here.
But they need information before they can understand it, I suppose.
I think part of my recent emotional low has been hearing about and seeing Tober's travels which are extensive and incredibly adventurous. I'm jealous in a way and also pleasantly observant in another as he just sees the world slightly differently than I do. But it feels like the adventure of being here is rapidly grinding to a halt and to be around someone having the next adventure is hard.
I think I just need to start seeing my experience in a different light. I need to stop trying to be awed by the obvious things and keep good perspectives on the every day things which are still a huge deal. It's like seeing the world as a group of living things which are wildly amazing in their own right or seeing the world as atoms that are impossible to see but just as astonishing.
I need this "paradigm shift" soon (to borrow a phrase from my high school literary magazine) or more of my days will be emotionally draining.
Peace
John
