(addendum)
Well, I turned the writing spigot off, but the thinking spigot just kept on trucking.
One of my main frustrations in the past few years has been this itch to make the most of what I'm capable of. I try to avoid traps like seeking fame, quantification or recognition for whatever it is I want to do, and in so doing, get closer and closer to what I really want to do with my life. I'm a lucky enough person to be able to earn enough money to live and at the same time pursue many other exploits. And when I get back, I will have a clean slate, with a good foundation. The next move is my choice. I've got these 18 months to figure it out.
And yet I can use these 18 months to do exactly what this itch tells me to - make the most out of myself. I don't know what it is inside of me that insists there's something bigger than trying as hard as I can. But I know that making the most out of the present moment is really the only way to take advantage of everything I'm capable of, letting that part of me which desires fame, etc., just to drift away.
And so it SHOULD scare me that in 18 months I won't be in Africa. But it should only scare me as much as knowing that I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I CAN change the world, one Biology quiz at a time.
Peace
John
