I yelled at Diamentino today after talking to his neighbors and telling them what he had done. Yet he's still being vague and unapologetic, trying to con his way out of it. We set a hard deadline for Monday to get the money in - and now he believes that I would go to the police. Unfortunately, I'm not sure he realizes that going to the police means I don't see the money AND I make him a lifelong enemy. Neither is something I want. It would be nice if trust didn't have so many strings attached to it. If you could just turn it on and off, and that would be the end of the story.
This has been a hard week. Classes have been excruciating. I kicked about 6 unresponsive students out of my first class, then let my last two turmas go because we were celebrating another teacher's birthday. I got served chicken, and again ate it.
But I think I've hit the wall in a sense. I've gotten to the point where I've simplifed the information as much as possible without completely scrapping the curriculum, and even when the information has been written, received and utilized by the student individually or in groups, they are still incapable of simply looking at and using the information sitting right in front of them. I called on several girls today who stared off in every direction when I called on them to simply look in their book and read off a list. I said I would throw them out if they didn't try. They didn't even have to be correct. They didn't try. I threw them out.
What kills me is that there ARE plenty of girls (and boys) who are capable and even understand some of the information. But most have been so conditioned to simply follow along and od what everyone else does that they are incapable of thinking independently. That isn't quite right. It would be better to say that they've never been rewarded for thinking independently. They refuse to answer (I think) because they have no hope of being correct. Though more than half the time, they ARE correct.
So this is the wall. I've stripped down all the extraneous information, memorized answers in other words, any excuse not to see the plain truth. These girls are never individually addressed and so they never look at their education as being anything other than a certificate at the end of it all. Imagine, if you could hide in a class of 50 for your entire life, never once peeping out, doing what everyone else is doing.
This is something I had to discover for myself. Like education, the only things you remember are the things you internalize. You come up with better and more efficient ways to internalize and you're a better learner. I had to hit this wall head on.
So where do I go from here? How do I have a prayer of educating these girls? Or do I simply leave my idealism at the door and worry about the students I can actually help? That doesn't sound like me. I wanted a challenge and I've got it.
How do you motivate the un-motivatable?
Peace
John
