Relaxation

Last night, I went to an Returned Volunteers happy hour in Cleveland. It was fantastic. The volunteers had so many stories, and so much great advice as to what to pack and how to be a smarter volunteer, just in general, that I feel much more comfortable than just 24 hours ago. I heard some of the best stories, especially when it comes to being brutally honest.

The living conditions sound very much like camping in the woods ... for a couple years. I know I adjust to that lifestyle very easily (and in many ways, I prefer it), so I don't think that will be a very difficult adjustment. The language barrier seems to not give anyone any trouble, even the ones who have very little background in the language they will need to speak. It seems that you pick up very quickly on the native languages, and even though I knew this, I hadn't heard it from enough people to really hit home. I'm still going to keep doing plenty of studying in the next few weeks though!

I did take everything with a grain of salt, however, because these volunteers are the ones who completed their service and were satisfied enough with it to continue to associate themselves with Peace Corps in some capacity, even in just a social one. I do know of volunteers who didn't have as great a time, but it seems that the people who did make the most of their time abroad were very flexible, unlike those who are less glowing about the experience. Even though it wasn't explicitly stated, adaptation to different situations seems to be the most important quality -- plasticity, if you will.

I definitely need to find a way to take music. When I'm listening to good music, it fills the air around me with an indescribable atmosphere. Music can dash anxiety in a second, and can give unconditional hope. I think I might need a dose of that.

The Diatribe Spigot Reopens

Why are Americans so ridiculously paranoid? There are examples every day of how we hypersensitive we are, like a kid afraid of the dark. College football coaches don't want prop planes flying overhead (the ones that carry the banners) because they are actually afraid someone will take over the planes and crash them into the stadium. We have "terrorist" watches around the neighborhood, asking people to spy on their peers, being ever vigilant for "suspicious activity."

In our private lives, we load ourselves down with guns, car alarms, security systems, self-defense seminars, insurance for everything we own, and pension plans richer than some small countries. Not a day goes by when you don't hear of some elderly person being taken advantage of on the local news. We spend all of our time shopping for more things, and then spend even more time protecting it. We exist through the things that we purchase -- we are defined by our materials, and we covet what we do not have. Personal crime would not exist were it not for this simple fact.

So is it exaggerated materialism which brought on September 11th? Were the events of the day merely a manifestation of our own unabashed desire to have everything we could possibly want? Is our paranoia about the world around us just a way of "protecting our stuff"?

Sure, in some ways it's more than that. We value ourselves and our loved ones. But we are willing to sacrifice them for our way of life, through war against nobody in particular. We love having everything that we want to, from fast food to fast cars. There is no end in sight as we are a country that gets fatter and richer every day, at the expense of the rest of the world.

It would indeed be gloomy if this were the end of the argument. However, there are many things that are going right in the country. Americans are finally seeing how desperate the world HIV/AIDS situation is, and how much the USA can help out. The rapid development of fuel cells and the infrastructure beneath them will not only reduce our dependence upon oil, but will clean up the earth. It seems that our government is finally starting to see that Israel and Palestine are just two sides of the same old, battered coin and that supporting Israel is simply racism. We didn't send a delegate to the summit in Johannesburg, but anti-American demonstrations are getting more and more press.

We are finally realizing just how other-worldly our lives are as Americans. Maybe this incredible sense of paranoia is just a product of people being reticent to admit it, trying to stay a victim of tragedy for as long as possible. We have to take the last step, and just wake up.

So this 9/11, let's not harken back to a year ago, but instead concentrate on becoming a part of the world again, with our arms open wide. Let's realize that belligerence only spawns hatred, and that paranoia only creates isolation. The newly crowned "Patriot Day" should be a day for realizing our humble place in the world.

Only a few weeks later, I'll be finding mine.

Fear is Endearing

I've found that the more people I talk with about my trip to Mozambique, and the more people I express my fear to about how I am going to have to conquer the language barrier, the more people seem to have a stake in my experience in Africa. It's interesting because it seems to partially alleviate my fears, that I have so many people supporting me. And I suppose that's why people like to offer support and lines of communication. However, a certain part of me knows that I'm the only person who can do this as well as I would like to.

I picture myself in a small room with a shortwave battery-powered radio broadcasting a talk show in Portuguese, dim light from outside and a couple candles lit inside, writing to friends during my first week and feeling both an overwhelming sense of adventure and overwhelming responsibility. I realize that I'm 2+ years and several thousand miles from my friends, and it still feels like I'm just camping out. Except I have two billion things to remember about my new life, not to mention just communicating with the people who I'm living with. I envision not getting very much sleep the first night, but getting the best night of sleep of my life the second night, as fatigue and the comfort of being away from technology shut my eyes.

A part of me wants to be in that world tomorrow, while another part of me wants it to still be two or three years off, so I can be adequately emotionally prepared. But I guess it would be impossible, as I would have too many prejudices about the entire experience if I had too much time to research what I thought it was going to be. So I'm glad that I'm four weeks away, and that I won't have too much time to just sit around and feel useless.

My birthday went well, mostly spent relaxing and brainstorming things to do for my birthday, then realizing that it was Labor Day and nothing was open :> . This week has been a little strange, as it's the first time that I've been in Cleveland not working and not taking classes. I'm still keeping busy, however, whittling down that To Do list. I hope that I get to say goodbye to everyone I would like to, especially for my going away party next weekend. I know, however, that saying goodbye won't help me to not miss them.

I wish I could *not miss* some people who I know I will miss dearly.

It's only two years. You'll hardly know I was gone, anyway :>