I only got an hour of sleep last night, due to some intense heat and having a low-grade fever with a dose of paranoia.
It's hard to balance my frustrations with my family, with the radically different cultural expectations here. I feel like my feelings and desires are rarely respected unless they match up with the feelings or desires of my family. I feel like a commodity sometimes, and not so much a person. I feel like my father talks at me instead of trying to talk with me, because I'm the new person and I can't know very much. I know others patronize me when I don't fully understand what they're saying.
Of course, I can also see things from their point of view. I'm living in their country, their way of life. Why should my desires carry any weight? Plus, they're just trying to do what they consider to be right. If the situation were reversed, the Mozambican guest would be very frustrated that their American host family left them on their own so much of the time (when in fact, the Americans would perceive that they were smothering their guest). I am very much a commodity here, as families get paid to host trainees - so they have an investment in my wellness. Aside from that, there is a certain amount of respect associated with a family who hosts an American. So they need to make sure they save face, by keeping me healthy.
People talk at each other all day and don't necessarily ask questions unless they're looking to have something done for them. Conversation is very much static - which is not to say that it's boring. People offer up whatever information they want to share, and expect the same of others. So he's doing the same with me, however, I don't have all the faculties yet to reciprocate.
Others patronize me as Americans patronize foreigners. We like to show how much of an ingroup we are as members of the same country. Whether that's manifested in making fun of foreigners or slowing down language for foreigners, when you notice it as a foreigner, it's always a bad feeling. Everyone wants to belong.
These are just my frustrations though. I am very happy with my family and they are one of the strongest families in this village, as far as I can tell. They work hard, according to Mozambican standards, and they seem to have good standing within the community, even though they are poorer than many of their acquaintances or extended family.
We really felt the piercing heat of the African sun today, as it felt like your eyeballs were being roasted if you were out in the sun for too long. Too long being more than a couple of minutes. Not really a nice feeling.
Luckily, there's a somewhat air-conditioned building where we have some of our sessions, and we spent the better part of the afternoon in 82F luxury. And this place has flush toilets. I felt spoiled, especially with my extra bowel movements today!
We go visit volunteers on Thursday, and I'm going to Chokwe (SPELLING?) in the Comca (I THINK) province. It sounds like a nice site, so I can't wait for Thursday.
Peace
John
