Life seems to be the opposite of an impressionist painting - the further you get away from a situation, the more clearly you see what it really is and the less you're blinded by your own perception. I've been seeing American society for the scary reality lately from an outsider's point of view. It's downright surreal how easy and media-driven American lives are. I don't know if I'll hold myself to it, but I've sworn that I won't have a computer or cable TV when I get back. If I want to watch a hockey game, I'll have to at least be social doing it, if not actually watch one in person. If I want to check e-mail, I'll have to find a public or friend's computer. I don't want a cell phone either, but I may have no choice soon.
I've been thinking about career options, and I definitely want to continue my education and my involvement in the theater, but not be necessarily tied down to one or the other. I think I'd be content to find an interesting and low-to-mid-paying job while taking community college courses and acting in local theater.
But then again, as Kingston told me, I shouldn't write off a future in Mozambique. The possibilities for the English school are great here, and if it should happen and be sustainable, I might be able to realize some dreams as they come to education.
My concern, and this was just cemented today, is that the educational system doesn't promote pattern recognition, which is a critical aspect of the learning process. So people feel like school is something apart from real-life learning and sever the connection between life and school, forever condemning their "education" to memorized facts. My struggles stem from the fact that I require pattern recognition and all the students know, is how to memorize every problem's resolution. It's as if, from a very early age, students have the choice of digging two holes - one hole is to recognize the innate patterns in information and another is to ignore them completely. I feel like these two holes separate like a V and my students are too far down their hole to get back to the one I want them to be in. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing them a disservice by not teaching the "memorize" way as well as I can, because then I match their learning style and help them more for the exams. But my conscience won't allow it. I get enough "Ohhh!" moments that I feel justified, but enough run-ins with administration and other teachers that I question my motives.
So I feel that maybe if I could start young with a group of kids, in a school with a different philosophy, I could really make a lasting difference. But I have no pedagogical training other than my experience here - another reason to keep my education going. Though I've heard that school just prepares you for more school (and to some extent I buy that), I'm not willing to write off an education in education.
What it comes down to is that I made an essentially selfish decision to get away from what I was disgusted by, in order to realize that I want to spend my life figuring out how to help out - and it might turn out that this help is best applied where I can fit in the best, the very place I was running from and with the very people whom I didn't include in that decision.
With 9 months left, I should figure out how I can apply what I'm doing here to helping out back in the states.
Peace
John
