Dear Diary,
I apologize. It has been far too long without telling you what's going on in my life. You see, I had a tough week and I really didn't feel like trying to recap it in a few words here and there. I feel like I would be doing you a disservice. So I'm going to try and paint you a picture of what I've felt like lately.
I feel like a ghoul who moves in and out of various skins, occupying them for a time with a common, unidentifiable spirit.
I spent some time in the body of a doctor who makes house calls, trying to repair the spirit and wrist of a kid who saw his best friend killed.
I hopped into that of a poltergeist, furiously detecting any hint of cheating and dismissing all who tried to pass. Many students suffered at the point of my red pen.
I found temporary lodging in the accustomed mask of a freak - accustomed in the sense of being resigned to his strangeness. It's a mask that seems to be worn quite often, for hours or even days at a time. It is a sad and dark mask, and it longs to be removed. It's a mask that tries to be just that - it wishes for its own nonexistence.
I even found myself looking into the mirror at a grimy investigator, tracking down culprits in the case of a robbery. I'm unhappy in this skin as well, because it is vengeful and improperly motivated.
So I returned to the doctor's body to try and cure others in the hope of curing myself. I took care of two of my ailing companions - we ghouls. But I always flee from the mind of the doctor for the wings of the bird - and thus it was when dealing with what I could not fix around me this week.
I remained inside the bird while my old friend Bert - very much a non-ghoul - begged for my transformation into a more recognizable form. It seems that everyone becomes a bird in his presence. The bird may be free, but is cowardly. It takes a strong person to find the cowardice of others so easily. Unfortunately, strength can come in some incongruous forms.
But, as I always do, I stepped into the skin that I brought with me to Mozambique - and that matches most closely with my spirit. I hopped in and took my students on a ride through Portuguese, English, Chemistry, Math and Biology. We had very successful voyages, and our biology trip ended in unprecedented victory in the form of the high test grades I discovered this weekend. It's this skin I miss the most and I hope to be able to stay within for the rest of my life.
The life of a ghoul is tiring and unsatisfying. Diary, I sincerely hope that I can dispense with this jumping around soon, whether it be here in Africa or back in the States. What I fear is that the same forces that have caused me to jump around so much here may not disappear when I find myself in my native land. So this fear feeds my desire to understand these other skins and comprehend why it is that I need them close by.
Diary, one day I'll get all this. I'm getting closer, little by little.
Peace
John
