I'm now reading a book about plants and how they have essentially shaped their evolutionary fate through the actions of humans, "The Botany of Desire". It's the fourth book I've read in as many weeks, which is a torrid pace for me.
In any case, the author talks about the scientific basis behind the high of marijuana, the chemical called THC. A similar, if not identical, chemical exists in our brains and helps to filter our the humdrum of everyday life. Which isn't to say that it's a boring chemical - anything but. It makes it so that we can actually perceive the "important" things in life and not be overwhelmed by all the inconsequential things, like the color of the chair I'm sitting in, the pain in my foot, the wind at my back, etc.
It occurred to me that, among other activities, the initial stages of culture shock produce elevated "THC" levels in our brains. There being so many new stimuli, we have to filter out even more than usual, just to make sense of the world.
I came to the realization yesterday, visiting Nimi at his site for his last day there, that I wasn't looking around and saying "Wow!" at everything any more. It was...normal. And so maybe, I'm thinking, these initial stages of culture shock are caused by this elevated brain chemical level where we are naturally heightened - and then we get addicted to it. I find myself looking for new adventures, and relying on old adventures when I can't find new ones. My brain knows that, given an overwhelmingly new stimulus, it'll get that high back.
So this is the attraction of pot. This is why I don't smoke - because it satisfies an urges that can be rationalized and satisfied in other ways, more productively and more...cheaply! And then it makes it harder to get the natural high from everyday life.
Well, this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Granted, I haven't made it much easier on myself, but I'm trudging through this, day by day, to prove to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. And if I successfully convince myself of that, I can definitely convince others of that. Then I can change the world. I'm sure of that fact. I have no idea how or when - but I will.
And this isn't to fish for pity - I just need it to be known the mix of emotions that I'm going through is a reminder of what is really important. Honesty. Humor. Equality - as much as possible. Love. A good piece of bread.
I'm glad Kingston's gungho about this English school project. As I told my mom, he's the fire under my ass instead of the other way around. And it needs to be that way. You can always find other asses, but fires are quite rare.
And, finally, Michael Pollen (again, the book) talking about the hardships that Johnny Appleseed went through, "Sometimes the cause of civilization is best served by a hard stare into the soul of its opposite."
Peace
John
