About a week ago, I found out that Albertina, Blake's girlfriend, had failed. I hadn't told her because I wasn't supposed to know and it's not like you rush to tell someone they failed. Plus, the more time she has with the hope of passing, however cruel, is better than the reality of failing.
Today, I found out that she wouldn't officially find out until Friday at the earliest, so when she asked today, I said "I can get the results." Blake will be leaving soon and they need to know. She asked if I could get them today, and I asked whether she wanted to know today. She hemmed and hawed.
"Quer saber ou nao?" I asked again. I said this, dashing around doing some housework that didn't need to be done at that second. She said yes, standing in the doorway I was looking to exit through.
"Voce..."
In between "You" and "failed", a world of choices flashed through my head. At some point, I had thought about asking her which would be better - her failing and her best friend passing, or vice versa. Knowing which choice she would pick, it would break the news by putting a brighter spin on it. But contrived. And I thought about sitting her down with Blake and setting the scene. Too melodramatic. I knew I needed to be frank and honest - and she needed to hear the words, clearly and without a doubt. Blake was here, though out of earshot, and the choices they make together depend on this information. I realized that this was the best moment, and the only real way to do it. My composure up until then didn't speak to conclusions one way or another. I even, in this moment, doubted why I was giving her her results first and not her best friend's.
All this in two seconds.
And then the word leaped onto my tongue and my lips failed to contain the power and ugliness of...
"Chumbou." Failed.
Hope disappeared from her face as I explained that her best friend had passed. She sunk into the closest chair and told Blake just as plainly. No crying, that I saw. But it was just a confirmation of fears and a striking down of hope.
I don't know what the next step is for them. Blake leaves to go to the States tomorrow or the next day, coming back to finish up a project after a month. A new volunteer comes on Sunday. I go to Portugal next Friday.
I guess some transitions are harder than others.
Peace
John
