As of yesterday, I'm officially "on vacation" until Monday comes around (it's a Thursday today). However, I promised I'd take Nanosh's classes at his school starting...yesterday...so I'm going to try and give the lessons today and tomorrow. On Saturday, there's a wedding I've been invited to, which will most likely last all day. On Sunday, Nanosh comes back and I get ready to give classes again.
What happened to the break?
Dennis and Jake got to travel. Other teachers at my school simply didn't show up to seminars. And the seminars - well, we discussed "What is a summary?" and the roles of certain people, like Homeroom teacher, Class Director, etc. that must be defined by the pedagogical director in whatever case. Mainly, we were supposed to look like we were working so that the Provincial Director could come and see us nice and busy. And it's been promised to be even busier next break, which was offered more as a threat than as a warning. I don't know if my father will be able to come here or not - it might be a big waste of time. And if it does happen like that, teachers will have been asked to be at work for 11 straight months with a grand total of about 3 days off. And what happens? Well, the other teachers take class time off, because they get punished financially and are willing to sacrifice that money (like having unpaid vacation time). However, I'm not allowed any vacation because I can't just "skip" out...but I'm pretty close to doing just that, if it weren't for the fact that I'd be screwing my students out of valuable class time. And I get questions all the time - "Don't you miss your family? Don't they miss you?" I answer "Of course, but what am I supposed to do?" I got leave once during the school year and it turned into a bigger mess than if I had just skipped out, and caused me more problems than it fixed.
And I know why - people don't understand why I'm here (or why any other American is here). They think it's this or that, but they don't really understand that to many of us,it's a way of bringing meaning to our lives by teaching those who essentially want to be taught, in another culture that we have to struggle to understand every day. And this goal is exhausting - not any more so than the Mozambican way of life - but still merits a consideration of rest and simple human needs. But as in many cases, we're not understood (and in my case, little effort is made - I think up until today I've had one meaningful conversation with an administrator, nobody came to the Peace Corps conference, and nobody really takes an interest.) And not being understood leads to this feeling of disinterest.
Well, I've got two trimesters left to help these students - who, by the way, understand me - pass their exams.
I really thoroughly enjoy teaching, but administrators who are only interested in their own advancement, put me off. As it would anywhere in the world, as I've been put off in other jobs in other - as it feels now - lifetimes.
I don't like the feeling of not wanting to be here, but I'm willing to put up with it for a few more months. And then, I'm going to have to deal with wanting to be back here again! Yes, but I think it's just a desire to be challenging myself and my willpower, and I will find that somewhere else easily enough.
OK, enough of that. Back to the moment. I teach English today.
Peace
John
