AIDS
In the US, we have a very cautious attitude towards AIDS/HIV. People who are even slightly conscientious use condoms, and it's downright cool in many social circles to use condoms, as more than just birth control. Prevention of HIV infection is something everyone takes seriously (some people less so), but it is under control, even though AIDS is still an incredible problem, and a major killer.
Sub-Saharan Africa is a completely different world, in many ways. HIV prevalence is absolutely staggering. In Mozambique, the best situation of the Sub-Saharan countries, infection is at 13% (official number, but most agree the real number is closer to 20%). In a couple of populated corridors, such as the one I'm in now, infection levels are above 30%. Boane hosts a military base, which raises the numbers even higher. We travelled to Motola, a fairly prosperous city just a few kms from Maputo, and saw an avenue marked with reminders of SIDA (AIDS in Portuguese). Red ribbons were graffitied on trees lining the avenue and the initials SIDA. It was amateur-looking, but this is as official as public awareness seems to get - the government makes a considerable effort, but with a lack of funds to do very much, public displays are difficult.
There are a lot of myths about HIV/AIDS contraction here, and most have to do with who is able to get it. As educators, we have to teach that everyone is susceptible. And in more ways than just vaginal or oral sex. Apparently, official recommendations now say that AIDS can be acquired via oral sex, however rare, and also by "wet" kissing - also rare, but possible. This, of course, isn't the main concern of Mozambicans. Education is critical for the next sexually active generation, because HIV prevalence will skyrocket otherwise. And we see examples very nearby. The most dramatic is in Botswana.
Just a couple years ago, HIV infection in Botswana was around (or below) 30%. This is a very bad number. At this point in our HIV/AIDS epidemic, there begins to be a lot of orphans and infected children who never get to grow up. Today in Botswana, according to a very recent estimate, fully 50% of the adult population (15+ years) is infected. This means that if you have unprotected sex with someone, you have about a 75% chance that one of the two of you will be infected, if not the both of you. This means that only a quarter of children are completely safe from vertical infection (parent to child, specifically mother). This means that there will be a significant decrease in children that live to 10 years - so much so that the children who do live will have seen so much death, that they will have to be careful when being sexually active, or so we can hope.
There IS hope, however. If you can look past the morbidity, people with natural resistance to AIDS/HIV will prosper in Botswana and will rebuilt the country after such a horrible disaster, stronger than it was before. I just hope this transition begins sooner rather than later.
Peace
John
Monday, November 25, 2002
11/04/2002
I only got an hour of sleep last night, due to some intense heat and having a low-grade fever with a dose of paranoia.
It's hard to balance my frustrations with my family, with the radically different cultural expectations here. I feel like my feelings and desires are rarely respected unless they match up with the feelings or desires of my family. I feel like a commodity sometimes, and not so much a person. I feel like my father talks at me instead of trying to talk with me, because I'm the new person and I can't know very much. I know others patronize me when I don't fully understand what they're saying.
Of course, I can also see things from their point of view. I'm living in their country, their way of life. Why should my desires carry any weight? Plus, they're just trying to do what they consider to be right. If the situation were reversed, the Mozambican guest would be very frustrated that their American host family left them on their own so much of the time (when in fact, the Americans would perceive that they were smothering their guest). I am very much a commodity here, as families get paid to host trainees - so they have an investment in my wellness. Aside from that, there is a certain amount of respect associated with a family who hosts an American. So they need to make sure they save face, by keeping me healthy.
People talk at each other all day and don't necessarily ask questions unless they're looking to have something done for them. Conversation is very much static - which is not to say that it's boring. People offer up whatever information they want to share, and expect the same of others. So he's doing the same with me, however, I don't have all the faculties yet to reciprocate.
Others patronize me as Americans patronize foreigners. We like to show how much of an ingroup we are as members of the same country. Whether that's manifested in making fun of foreigners or slowing down language for foreigners, when you notice it as a foreigner, it's always a bad feeling. Everyone wants to belong.
These are just my frustrations though. I am very happy with my family and they are one of the strongest families in this village, as far as I can tell. They work hard, according to Mozambican standards, and they seem to have good standing within the community, even though they are poorer than many of their acquaintances or extended family.
We really felt the piercing heat of the African sun today, as it felt like your eyeballs were being roasted if you were out in the sun for too long. Too long being more than a couple of minutes. Not really a nice feeling.
Luckily, there's a somewhat air-conditioned building where we have some of our sessions, and we spent the better part of the afternoon in 82F luxury. And this place has flush toilets. I felt spoiled, especially with my extra bowel movements today!
We go visit volunteers on Thursday, and I'm going to Chokwe (SPELLING?) in the Comca (I THINK) province. It sounds like a nice site, so I can't wait for Thursday.
Peace
John
It's hard to balance my frustrations with my family, with the radically different cultural expectations here. I feel like my feelings and desires are rarely respected unless they match up with the feelings or desires of my family. I feel like a commodity sometimes, and not so much a person. I feel like my father talks at me instead of trying to talk with me, because I'm the new person and I can't know very much. I know others patronize me when I don't fully understand what they're saying.
Of course, I can also see things from their point of view. I'm living in their country, their way of life. Why should my desires carry any weight? Plus, they're just trying to do what they consider to be right. If the situation were reversed, the Mozambican guest would be very frustrated that their American host family left them on their own so much of the time (when in fact, the Americans would perceive that they were smothering their guest). I am very much a commodity here, as families get paid to host trainees - so they have an investment in my wellness. Aside from that, there is a certain amount of respect associated with a family who hosts an American. So they need to make sure they save face, by keeping me healthy.
People talk at each other all day and don't necessarily ask questions unless they're looking to have something done for them. Conversation is very much static - which is not to say that it's boring. People offer up whatever information they want to share, and expect the same of others. So he's doing the same with me, however, I don't have all the faculties yet to reciprocate.
Others patronize me as Americans patronize foreigners. We like to show how much of an ingroup we are as members of the same country. Whether that's manifested in making fun of foreigners or slowing down language for foreigners, when you notice it as a foreigner, it's always a bad feeling. Everyone wants to belong.
These are just my frustrations though. I am very happy with my family and they are one of the strongest families in this village, as far as I can tell. They work hard, according to Mozambican standards, and they seem to have good standing within the community, even though they are poorer than many of their acquaintances or extended family.
We really felt the piercing heat of the African sun today, as it felt like your eyeballs were being roasted if you were out in the sun for too long. Too long being more than a couple of minutes. Not really a nice feeling.
Luckily, there's a somewhat air-conditioned building where we have some of our sessions, and we spent the better part of the afternoon in 82F luxury. And this place has flush toilets. I felt spoiled, especially with my extra bowel movements today!
We go visit volunteers on Thursday, and I'm going to Chokwe (SPELLING?) in the Comca (I THINK) province. It sounds like a nice site, so I can't wait for Thursday.
Peace
John
11/03/2002
Being sick in Mozambique is not fun. I had a fever for most of the day today, and the weather was at least in the mid-90's, anyway. I tried to move as little as possible, but it was still pretty painful. I took some ibuprofen which helped, and hopefully my fever has broken for good. It's often hard to tell whether it's the weather or my body!
Yesterday, I spoke with Iggy (a native Zimbabwean) about his country. It was very interesting. Apparently, there are a ton of problems, but things are still better than Mozambique.
I'm starting to get the hang of non-verbal communication such as gestures, hums and whistles. Mozambicans notice every little gesture that you make, so everything is subtle. You can wave goodbye by simply tipping your hand while your arm is completely relaxed. You can whistle at the chickens to keep them out of the house. The cobradors (ticket-takers on the chapas) use different whistling tones to signify "go" and "stop" to the driver.
I think the most interesting aspect of all of the non-verbal communication is that direct verbal communication is possible in every situation, but non-verbal is more meaningful. I find myself "mmm-mmm" ing a lot in conversation as the natives do. The "mmm" can mean a lot of things, from "I'm listening" to "I didn't quite catch that" to "Yes!". It saves a lot of brain power not having to say those things in Portuguese.
I was reminded again today how different personal space is considered here. I was sick, so I told my host father that I needed some rest. So I went inside my room, into bed, and shut the door. Seconds later, Sr. Bernardo knocked on the door, and he came in. He suggested that he bring a chair into my room so we can converse while I rest. I politely (well, maybe not politely) told him no. It's hard to be alone here.
And I didn't have much of an appetite today, either, especially for oily eggs. So I told my family I didn't want breakfast, and I thought they were going to shit a brick. I just couldn't bring myself to eat anything, and they acted like I was on my deathbed. Of course, for the rest of the day I was being offered food every hour on the hour. I think they got offended (or scared) every time I said no.
It's quite hard to be sick in Mozambique!
Peace
John
Yesterday, I spoke with Iggy (a native Zimbabwean) about his country. It was very interesting. Apparently, there are a ton of problems, but things are still better than Mozambique.
I'm starting to get the hang of non-verbal communication such as gestures, hums and whistles. Mozambicans notice every little gesture that you make, so everything is subtle. You can wave goodbye by simply tipping your hand while your arm is completely relaxed. You can whistle at the chickens to keep them out of the house. The cobradors (ticket-takers on the chapas) use different whistling tones to signify "go" and "stop" to the driver.
I think the most interesting aspect of all of the non-verbal communication is that direct verbal communication is possible in every situation, but non-verbal is more meaningful. I find myself "mmm-mmm" ing a lot in conversation as the natives do. The "mmm" can mean a lot of things, from "I'm listening" to "I didn't quite catch that" to "Yes!". It saves a lot of brain power not having to say those things in Portuguese.
I was reminded again today how different personal space is considered here. I was sick, so I told my host father that I needed some rest. So I went inside my room, into bed, and shut the door. Seconds later, Sr. Bernardo knocked on the door, and he came in. He suggested that he bring a chair into my room so we can converse while I rest. I politely (well, maybe not politely) told him no. It's hard to be alone here.
And I didn't have much of an appetite today, either, especially for oily eggs. So I told my family I didn't want breakfast, and I thought they were going to shit a brick. I just couldn't bring myself to eat anything, and they acted like I was on my deathbed. Of course, for the rest of the day I was being offered food every hour on the hour. I think they got offended (or scared) every time I said no.
It's quite hard to be sick in Mozambique!
Peace
John
11/02/2002
Here's the Birthday Song in Portuguese...it uses the same tune, just sung three times over... (THIS IS MOM --- AS WITH OTHER PORTUGUESE IN THE JOURNAL, I CAN'T USE ACCENTS AND OTHER MARKINGS - SORRY)
Parabens a voce
Nesta data querida
Muitos felecidades
Muitos anos de vida.
(Pronunciation of above:
Pa-ra baynsh ah voh-say
Nesh-ta da-ta kayr-ee-da
Muy-tosh fe-liss-ee-daud-aysh
Muy-tosh awn-oos day vee-da.)
Tenha sembre do bom
Do que a vida contem
Tenha muita saude
E amigos tambem.
(Pronunciation of above -
Ten-ya sem-bray doo bong
Doo key a vee-da con-teng
Ten-ya muy-ta sa-woo-day
Ee am-ee-goosh tom-bang)
Hoje e dia de festa
Cantam as nossas almas
Para (your name)
Uma salva de palmas.
(Pronunciation of above -
Oh-gee ay dee-ah dee fesh-ta
Can-tang ash noh-sash ah-mash
Pa-ra....
Oom-ah sah-va dee pah-mash.)
Peace
John
Parabens a voce
Nesta data querida
Muitos felecidades
Muitos anos de vida.
(Pronunciation of above:
Pa-ra baynsh ah voh-say
Nesh-ta da-ta kayr-ee-da
Muy-tosh fe-liss-ee-daud-aysh
Muy-tosh awn-oos day vee-da.)
Tenha sembre do bom
Do que a vida contem
Tenha muita saude
E amigos tambem.
(Pronunciation of above -
Ten-ya sem-bray doo bong
Doo key a vee-da con-teng
Ten-ya muy-ta sa-woo-day
Ee am-ee-goosh tom-bang)
Hoje e dia de festa
Cantam as nossas almas
Para (your name)
Uma salva de palmas.
(Pronunciation of above -
Oh-gee ay dee-ah dee fesh-ta
Can-tang ash noh-sash ah-mash
Pa-ra....
Oom-ah sah-va dee pah-mash.)
Peace
John
11/01/2002
I just came back from seeing a great African dance troupe - they had on the most wonderful costumes and moved incredibly gracefully.
The backing band was a drum corps and a homemade xylophone made of gourds and trees. The clothing was mostly composed of shredded cloth about 2' long that was tied to various parts of the body and made for an incredible effect when they danced. It was really quite something to watch and I hope that I can get some pictures from other people.
This troupe seemed pretty professional, so I asked about how we landed this gig. Apparently, one of the Moz organizers found this group and offered them free lunch in exchange for their performance. It just seems incredible to me - you couldn't even think about landing a gig like that in the States without tremendous compensation (especially for such a small group). It really reminds me of how poor this area is.
This has been a very good Portuguese day - I've understood most that has come my way!
Unfortunately, I didn't receive much mail today, and I've been expecting - or hoping for - some letters from Ohio friends. It's difficult to be patient, especially since the phone I did get hold of stopped working this week, so I've been able to have a conversation with my father, but that's it.
On the plus side, I did receive this wonderful newsletter from my mother and some logic puzzles. It's all great to have! But this lack of communication with so many of my friends is as hard as I thought it would be and more! I suppose I just need to be patient and wait for letters, while taking the time to keep on writing them.
I know you all want to hear about different aspects of my life here, but I just don't know what to focus on!
It's a very interesting group dynamic that we have, because we are all so focused on our individual contributions to Mozambique and being good teachers, so we have only a decent knowledge of each other as people. Sure, there seem to be some closer friends, but we don't really have cliques, per se, and there don't seem to be people who spend all their time together. I think part of the reason for this is that we are training for what it is - preparation for our jobs. We are all taking it seriously, and so our focus is on self-preparation and not so much on making good friends...not just yet. Once we get to our sites, I'm sure we'll grow closer to each other out of necessity, and once we're settled in. It's hard not to have people who know me very well and to also know I will be putting myself in a tough spot by trying to find these people during a transitional period.
I think I speak for all of us when I say that we need to get to our sites and have some permanence in our lives!
Personal space and touching are quite interesting here. Africans have much less personal space and same sexes like to hold hands and just be very touchy-feely. This is perfectly fine with me, and I think it's kept me sane to feel the warmth of other humans! However, there are very few PDAs between couples (and don't talk about homosexuality --- it's quite taboo, not unlike the US just a few years ago) and rarely do you even know without a map who's married to whom. It is practically the opposite of the US in that respect - and so it has its positives and negatives.
Of course, to understand why personal space is the way it is, you really need to understand the culture. I'm working towards that understanding, and I most likely will be for my entire time here. Honestly, the culture is constantly changing from what I can tell as they move towards their goals. And these next two years are going to be interesting as the current president of 18 (or so) years is stepping down in 2004. It should all be wonderful to see and experience.
I've been thinking about what I want to do when I return to the States, and pursuing an acting career is looking very attractive. Acting is one of the pursuits I've found to be both challenging and rewarding in ways other careers are not. However, I wonder how I can integrate that pursuit with my passion for aiding society. Of course, acting is a very romantic notion that seems attractive as I'm 2 years away from having make that decision!
Peace
John
The backing band was a drum corps and a homemade xylophone made of gourds and trees. The clothing was mostly composed of shredded cloth about 2' long that was tied to various parts of the body and made for an incredible effect when they danced. It was really quite something to watch and I hope that I can get some pictures from other people.
This troupe seemed pretty professional, so I asked about how we landed this gig. Apparently, one of the Moz organizers found this group and offered them free lunch in exchange for their performance. It just seems incredible to me - you couldn't even think about landing a gig like that in the States without tremendous compensation (especially for such a small group). It really reminds me of how poor this area is.
This has been a very good Portuguese day - I've understood most that has come my way!
Unfortunately, I didn't receive much mail today, and I've been expecting - or hoping for - some letters from Ohio friends. It's difficult to be patient, especially since the phone I did get hold of stopped working this week, so I've been able to have a conversation with my father, but that's it.
On the plus side, I did receive this wonderful newsletter from my mother and some logic puzzles. It's all great to have! But this lack of communication with so many of my friends is as hard as I thought it would be and more! I suppose I just need to be patient and wait for letters, while taking the time to keep on writing them.
I know you all want to hear about different aspects of my life here, but I just don't know what to focus on!
It's a very interesting group dynamic that we have, because we are all so focused on our individual contributions to Mozambique and being good teachers, so we have only a decent knowledge of each other as people. Sure, there seem to be some closer friends, but we don't really have cliques, per se, and there don't seem to be people who spend all their time together. I think part of the reason for this is that we are training for what it is - preparation for our jobs. We are all taking it seriously, and so our focus is on self-preparation and not so much on making good friends...not just yet. Once we get to our sites, I'm sure we'll grow closer to each other out of necessity, and once we're settled in. It's hard not to have people who know me very well and to also know I will be putting myself in a tough spot by trying to find these people during a transitional period.
I think I speak for all of us when I say that we need to get to our sites and have some permanence in our lives!
Personal space and touching are quite interesting here. Africans have much less personal space and same sexes like to hold hands and just be very touchy-feely. This is perfectly fine with me, and I think it's kept me sane to feel the warmth of other humans! However, there are very few PDAs between couples (and don't talk about homosexuality --- it's quite taboo, not unlike the US just a few years ago) and rarely do you even know without a map who's married to whom. It is practically the opposite of the US in that respect - and so it has its positives and negatives.
Of course, to understand why personal space is the way it is, you really need to understand the culture. I'm working towards that understanding, and I most likely will be for my entire time here. Honestly, the culture is constantly changing from what I can tell as they move towards their goals. And these next two years are going to be interesting as the current president of 18 (or so) years is stepping down in 2004. It should all be wonderful to see and experience.
I've been thinking about what I want to do when I return to the States, and pursuing an acting career is looking very attractive. Acting is one of the pursuits I've found to be both challenging and rewarding in ways other careers are not. However, I wonder how I can integrate that pursuit with my passion for aiding society. Of course, acting is a very romantic notion that seems attractive as I'm 2 years away from having make that decision!
Peace
John
10/31/2002
My first Halloween that I can remember being out of the country for. How depressing - it was very uneventful! I miss the pomp and circumstance of the whole holiday. Missing Halloween also made me realize how experiencing these holidays mark time - and how differently time has passed here. It doesn't seem like it could be the Halloween season, or even November for that same reason. It was chilly last night, but it was still an exception rather than the rule. It will be strange when it warms up again here and we start having summer again.
I hope that paragraph reflects how being so far from home has changed my very perception of time!
It still seems like if I went back to the US, nothing should have changed. It feels like one big dream, and I'll wake up in Cleveland wishing I was still dreaming. Because, for all of the struggles and hard work facing me, this is an awesome life.
When I sometimes think of going back in order to be with friends and family, I remind myself of how routine the American way of life often is - and how little change you can exact in the world. Here, I feel like every little thing I do to help does 50x that of anything in the States. Even being unqualified to teach a science in a language I have only a simple grasp on is helpful to this country. In the US, I would do more harm than good, given these circumstances. And I'm just one person - imagine if it weren't just 36 of us teaching in Moz next year, but 3600 of us. Mozambique wouldn't know what to do with all of us, but would they begin to have an adequate educational system? I would hope so. Imagine how far Mozambique could go with the assistance of other countries showing them how to fish and not just giving them the fish.
At the same time, we'll be showing them to fish in an empty lake if we don't integrate into their culture. This means that we may be able to present relevant information, but unless it's applied in a way that makes sense to the students, it's useless.
Today, I was told that I may not be able to go more than 6 hours away from Maputo because I'm an asthmatic. However, I've never had an asthma attack, and my inhaler takes care of any problems I've had (few and far between). Hopefully, there will be some leeway in determining my site, because I desperately want to go up north (at least right now).
The pace of training has definitely picked up, and it's difficult to keep up with the studying I know I need to do. But I try.
There are chickens in a bucket close to me. Tomorrow, my Dad will sell them for 45 Met apiece. This is not strange to me any more.
Peace
John
I hope that paragraph reflects how being so far from home has changed my very perception of time!
It still seems like if I went back to the US, nothing should have changed. It feels like one big dream, and I'll wake up in Cleveland wishing I was still dreaming. Because, for all of the struggles and hard work facing me, this is an awesome life.
When I sometimes think of going back in order to be with friends and family, I remind myself of how routine the American way of life often is - and how little change you can exact in the world. Here, I feel like every little thing I do to help does 50x that of anything in the States. Even being unqualified to teach a science in a language I have only a simple grasp on is helpful to this country. In the US, I would do more harm than good, given these circumstances. And I'm just one person - imagine if it weren't just 36 of us teaching in Moz next year, but 3600 of us. Mozambique wouldn't know what to do with all of us, but would they begin to have an adequate educational system? I would hope so. Imagine how far Mozambique could go with the assistance of other countries showing them how to fish and not just giving them the fish.
At the same time, we'll be showing them to fish in an empty lake if we don't integrate into their culture. This means that we may be able to present relevant information, but unless it's applied in a way that makes sense to the students, it's useless.
Today, I was told that I may not be able to go more than 6 hours away from Maputo because I'm an asthmatic. However, I've never had an asthma attack, and my inhaler takes care of any problems I've had (few and far between). Hopefully, there will be some leeway in determining my site, because I desperately want to go up north (at least right now).
The pace of training has definitely picked up, and it's difficult to keep up with the studying I know I need to do. But I try.
There are chickens in a bucket close to me. Tomorrow, my Dad will sell them for 45 Met apiece. This is not strange to me any more.
Peace
John
10/30/2002
We had a discussion about race today. I'm feeling quite disturbed from it, and I'm going to try and figure out why.
One member of our group brought up that he feels that it's very difficult for white America and specifically himself to talk about race without feeling like they might make a misstep and offend minorities. I said that I think he needs to put those concerns away and just be completely honest, because otherwise it's very difficult to have any open conversation, and that I was glad he was making the first step. It came off as very condescending (and it was), but I just felt that he was being incredibly naive and missing part of the point of being here in Mozambique. It really got to him, and when he told me his feelings, it really got to me. I'm not exactly sure I should have said what I did in an open forum with everyone listening, but I think I was demonstrating my own point - that you can't be afraid of offending anyone, because you do yourself a disservice. And of course I did, and now I feel shitty about it. Obviously my idealism needs some tweaking, but maybe his guardedness about his feelings needs to change as well. I think he might be afraid of his own viewpoints in the context of the group, which makes me feel cheated that I'm only getting to know one aspect of him, and that it's not real.
So even though we spoke, I don't think the air is completely cleared as to whether or not he is being honest AND whether or not I should expect this of everyone else. I know I'm not representative of the group as a whole, and that our main "dynamic" is not in the context of the group, it is as volunteers in a struggling country. I said that I think we need to focus on that, moreso than our own differences. I hate it when I get insular (thanks Steve) in a situation which demands thinking about others' needs. I hate being so sensitive to what other people think of me, and at the same time believing that I shouldn't worry what other people think of me. I think I know who I am, I'm just having a lot of issues with being comfortable with myself.
Now I've put my host brothers to sleep, and they wanted to play cards. So I'll stop for now and get back to what really matters - children.
Oh yeah, someone left today. I wish he the best of luck. I hope she hasn't opened the door for others.
I'm still searching for a lot in Mozambique, but I think it's becoming clear what I need to do in the next 6 weeks + of training.
#1 - I need to learn enough Portuguese. I'm learning a lot every day, and I understand more every day, but I still feel shaky trying to understand every bit of casual conversation and more than 50% of formal conversation. In my favor, my reading comprehension and translation is very good; I just don't understand (spoken language) too well just yet.
#2 - I need to come up with several large long-term goals for the people I will be working with, and allow for more goals to come about as a result of my interactions with them.
#3 - I want to maintain good relationships with the other trainees in order to keep me sane and in good spirits.
#4 - I want to maintain open relationships with weaker trainees (in terms of their commitment to staying in Mozambique) so as to help them continue their service.
#5 - I need to maintain connections to loved ones in the USA so that I can keep on loving the people as they are and not simple as the they were when I left.
Of course, I want to complete the rest of the training program, but my emphasis is also on these points.
It started raining today and there doesn't seem to be any sign of it letting up - welcome to the rainy season! It's quite chilly - below 60 F - which makes taking a bucket bath downright painful when the winds pick up.
I'm one of a few guys to be trying new facial hair on - I've got a decent goatee growing now. I'm planning getting rid of the moustache part and keeping the rest, once it's full enough.
Site visits next week. I sincerely hope that I end up in Tete, which is the newest province for PC. Apparently, the mountains are fantastic!
Peace,
John
One member of our group brought up that he feels that it's very difficult for white America and specifically himself to talk about race without feeling like they might make a misstep and offend minorities. I said that I think he needs to put those concerns away and just be completely honest, because otherwise it's very difficult to have any open conversation, and that I was glad he was making the first step. It came off as very condescending (and it was), but I just felt that he was being incredibly naive and missing part of the point of being here in Mozambique. It really got to him, and when he told me his feelings, it really got to me. I'm not exactly sure I should have said what I did in an open forum with everyone listening, but I think I was demonstrating my own point - that you can't be afraid of offending anyone, because you do yourself a disservice. And of course I did, and now I feel shitty about it. Obviously my idealism needs some tweaking, but maybe his guardedness about his feelings needs to change as well. I think he might be afraid of his own viewpoints in the context of the group, which makes me feel cheated that I'm only getting to know one aspect of him, and that it's not real.
So even though we spoke, I don't think the air is completely cleared as to whether or not he is being honest AND whether or not I should expect this of everyone else. I know I'm not representative of the group as a whole, and that our main "dynamic" is not in the context of the group, it is as volunteers in a struggling country. I said that I think we need to focus on that, moreso than our own differences. I hate it when I get insular (thanks Steve) in a situation which demands thinking about others' needs. I hate being so sensitive to what other people think of me, and at the same time believing that I shouldn't worry what other people think of me. I think I know who I am, I'm just having a lot of issues with being comfortable with myself.
Now I've put my host brothers to sleep, and they wanted to play cards. So I'll stop for now and get back to what really matters - children.
Oh yeah, someone left today. I wish he the best of luck. I hope she hasn't opened the door for others.
I'm still searching for a lot in Mozambique, but I think it's becoming clear what I need to do in the next 6 weeks + of training.
#1 - I need to learn enough Portuguese. I'm learning a lot every day, and I understand more every day, but I still feel shaky trying to understand every bit of casual conversation and more than 50% of formal conversation. In my favor, my reading comprehension and translation is very good; I just don't understand (spoken language) too well just yet.
#2 - I need to come up with several large long-term goals for the people I will be working with, and allow for more goals to come about as a result of my interactions with them.
#3 - I want to maintain good relationships with the other trainees in order to keep me sane and in good spirits.
#4 - I want to maintain open relationships with weaker trainees (in terms of their commitment to staying in Mozambique) so as to help them continue their service.
#5 - I need to maintain connections to loved ones in the USA so that I can keep on loving the people as they are and not simple as the they were when I left.
Of course, I want to complete the rest of the training program, but my emphasis is also on these points.
It started raining today and there doesn't seem to be any sign of it letting up - welcome to the rainy season! It's quite chilly - below 60 F - which makes taking a bucket bath downright painful when the winds pick up.
I'm one of a few guys to be trying new facial hair on - I've got a decent goatee growing now. I'm planning getting rid of the moustache part and keeping the rest, once it's full enough.
Site visits next week. I sincerely hope that I end up in Tete, which is the newest province for PC. Apparently, the mountains are fantastic!
Peace,
John
10/29/2002
(THIS IS MOM -- JUST RECEIVED JOHN'S POSTS FROM 10/29 FORWARD. I UNDERSTAND FROM EMAIL TO ONE OF THE OTHER PARENTS THAT UNREST IN THE CAPITAL HAS MEANT THAT THE VOLUNTEERS CAN'T GO IN FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE. THAT MEANS NO EMAILS FOR A WHILE. NONETHELESS, IF ANYONE WISHES TO EMAIL JOHN, PLEASE DO, AS ALL ARE BEING KEPT FOR HIM AND EVENTUALLY HE'LL SEE IT.)
Cockroach vs Trainee -- the battle continues...
I know the cockroach is just another bug, like any other, and is as harmless as any other. All they do is scamper about randomly.
But here in Mozambique, they get to tremendous proportions. And they're all downright nasty looking. They look like mobile pieces of crap with large feelers that can sense what's going on at all times. I have never held such superficial contempt for an animal (or anything, really) as I do for the cockroach. It is the only animal I have no problem harming or killing on sheer principle.
Ants and spiders I can deal with. Bats are downright cute. But when faced with a cockroach on my wall, I reach for the industrial-strength bug spray and go to town. I'll keep on spraying until it can't hold onto the wall any longer, then it will fall to the ground. I'll either sweep it out of my room, or cover it with something until morning. Cockroaches like to play dead, so you can never be sure.
What's more, they seem to take a certain liking to the smell of shit. I don't know what it is, but if it's dark out and reeks of feces, you can bet there are a few roaches near.
I really needed to "fazer coco" (take a poop) tonight at 9:00 PM. My family was all asleep, so I had to venture outside all alone. The moon isn't out tonight due to cloud cover, so I couldn't see very much at all beyond the glow of my flashlight (possibly one of the best inventions ever, my LED flashlight).
The latrine is simple - a hole with a wood covering, raised about a foot off the ground.
As soon as I entered the bathroom, I saw roaches scurry in every direction, and not necessarily away from me. I kicked a couple away, then decided I just couldn't pull down my pants and expose myself to getting roached.
So I want and "fazer xixi" (to take a piss) in the casa de banho to work up the courage. When I came back, it seemed like the roaches I kicked had spread the word. They seemed to keep their distance, but as I opened the latrine, there were still a couple more enjoying their poopy meal. They hopped out after some prodding, and I tore my pants off as quickly as possible, balancing the TP and flashlight so as to keep track of every rogue cockroach and keep them away from A) my ass, and B) my TP.
I talked to them the whole time, giving them such nicknames as "F...ity, F..., F..." and "F...'in roach". You can tell I was in a creative mood. One did get daring and touched my ass which provoked an immediate and sudden response I care not to share here.
I pooped quicker than I've ever pooped before, and then let the roaches get back to doing whatever they had been doing before...
Peace
John
Cockroach vs Trainee -- the battle continues...
I know the cockroach is just another bug, like any other, and is as harmless as any other. All they do is scamper about randomly.
But here in Mozambique, they get to tremendous proportions. And they're all downright nasty looking. They look like mobile pieces of crap with large feelers that can sense what's going on at all times. I have never held such superficial contempt for an animal (or anything, really) as I do for the cockroach. It is the only animal I have no problem harming or killing on sheer principle.
Ants and spiders I can deal with. Bats are downright cute. But when faced with a cockroach on my wall, I reach for the industrial-strength bug spray and go to town. I'll keep on spraying until it can't hold onto the wall any longer, then it will fall to the ground. I'll either sweep it out of my room, or cover it with something until morning. Cockroaches like to play dead, so you can never be sure.
What's more, they seem to take a certain liking to the smell of shit. I don't know what it is, but if it's dark out and reeks of feces, you can bet there are a few roaches near.
I really needed to "fazer coco" (take a poop) tonight at 9:00 PM. My family was all asleep, so I had to venture outside all alone. The moon isn't out tonight due to cloud cover, so I couldn't see very much at all beyond the glow of my flashlight (possibly one of the best inventions ever, my LED flashlight).
The latrine is simple - a hole with a wood covering, raised about a foot off the ground.
As soon as I entered the bathroom, I saw roaches scurry in every direction, and not necessarily away from me. I kicked a couple away, then decided I just couldn't pull down my pants and expose myself to getting roached.
So I want and "fazer xixi" (to take a piss) in the casa de banho to work up the courage. When I came back, it seemed like the roaches I kicked had spread the word. They seemed to keep their distance, but as I opened the latrine, there were still a couple more enjoying their poopy meal. They hopped out after some prodding, and I tore my pants off as quickly as possible, balancing the TP and flashlight so as to keep track of every rogue cockroach and keep them away from A) my ass, and B) my TP.
I talked to them the whole time, giving them such nicknames as "F...ity, F..., F..." and "F...'in roach". You can tell I was in a creative mood. One did get daring and touched my ass which provoked an immediate and sudden response I care not to share here.
I pooped quicker than I've ever pooped before, and then let the roaches get back to doing whatever they had been doing before...
Peace
John
Sunday, November 17, 2002
Live Update!
Everything is fine here -- hopefully I will be making phone calls later
today! We have started teaching, and it is really a blast, but also
incredibly intimidating. Communication lately has been really frustrating
because it is so difficult, and I still haven`t received any mail outside of
CT. But we just have to be patient, and once I get to site, communication
should be a lot easier once I have more time during the day.
My Portuguese is really coming along, and teaching in it isn´t as
intimidating (it is still really hard) as I originally thought it would be.
I miss everyone tremendously.
Things that would be really cool to have here: The latest hip-hop & rap
music (they LOVE JayZ, P Diddy, JLo, DMX, etc), pictures of people and
events from home, synopses of the latest movies, a book on budgeting and
personal finance because I want to see if I can teach that here, my friends
to visit in four and a half months when I am allowed to have visitors :-) ,
teaching materials (anything really), etc.
Hopefully I will be able to send out some sort of XMas gifts, but I cannot
promise they will be on time. We have four weeks until swearing in as
volunteers, and we are all really psyched ...
PEACE and Love,
John
_________________________________________________________________
Help STOP SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
today! We have started teaching, and it is really a blast, but also
incredibly intimidating. Communication lately has been really frustrating
because it is so difficult, and I still haven`t received any mail outside of
CT. But we just have to be patient, and once I get to site, communication
should be a lot easier once I have more time during the day.
My Portuguese is really coming along, and teaching in it isn´t as
intimidating (it is still really hard) as I originally thought it would be.
I miss everyone tremendously.
Things that would be really cool to have here: The latest hip-hop & rap
music (they LOVE JayZ, P Diddy, JLo, DMX, etc), pictures of people and
events from home, synopses of the latest movies, a book on budgeting and
personal finance because I want to see if I can teach that here, my friends
to visit in four and a half months when I am allowed to have visitors :-) ,
teaching materials (anything really), etc.
Hopefully I will be able to send out some sort of XMas gifts, but I cannot
promise they will be on time. We have four weeks until swearing in as
volunteers, and we are all really psyched ...
PEACE and Love,
John
_________________________________________________________________
Help STOP SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
Friday, November 08, 2002
10/28/2002
I just found out that the Angels won the World Series. It's very surreal being so far removed from the American media. I can't imagine the Angels winning, just because it seems to be out of nowhere. However, I know if I were keeping up with things, it would seem perfectly normal.
Zach and I got haircuts today at a barbershop by the market. He has significantly more hair than I do.
The shop was about 15' long and about 8' wide. There was one lightbulb hanging from the ceiling and one outlet with an extension cord and power strip. Some men were fooling around with cell phones on one part of the power strip, and the electric razors were plugged into the other outlets.
My host father took us there, and he explained that we needed haircuts. I told the barber how short I wanted my hair (he cut it a little too short, but it's no big deal), and he took the electric razor to it. It was going very normally, and I was speaking to Zach in English.
One of the men working on the cellphones speaks a little English, and told me (in English) that "it's not nice to speak" a language that most people in the room cannot understand. He held fast by this rule, as he was later speaking Changara. But I was trying to communicate to Zach what this man was doing to my head, and I guess that could definitely be construed as rude!
After he cut most of my hair, he got to my neck. "Gentle" is not a concept for Mozambican barbers. It was downright painful how hard he shaved my hair away, and I let Zach secretly know this so he could be prepared.
Because Zach has so much hair, they ended up going to a backup electric razor - and instead of using scissors, they trimmed from about 6 inches down to about 3-4 inches with a razor. It was actually quite impressive.
The whole thing took about an hour and cost 35,000 Met each which translates to $1.50. You don't tip for anything here, as it's a communal society. The reasoning is that everyone has their job and always works hard at it. I want to give people a tip, but it just doesn't work.
I've found out that other people are recommending this journal as a way to find out how things are in Mozambique. So please communicate with your contact in Moz what you might like to hear about, and I'll try to describe it as best I can. But please keep in mind that my experiences can't help but be vastly different from your loved ones'!
We had discussions today regarding what we're doing for Halloween, and it seems like we're having a little party on Sunday afternoon with a movie and such.
I didn't want it to be on Sunday, because that's the only day I can spend entirely with my family. Some people see it as a day they do nothing, but to me, this time is important. This family has taken me in and wrapped their lives around my well-being - I feel like I owe them more than just one day a week!
I think it goes back to my perception of the volunteers working around the culture rather than with the culture. I've brought it up in conversation, and the concensus seems to be that it's too difficult. We are told that we can never be Mozambican, try as we might. It's not that I think they're wrong, it's just that I'm stubborn. I'll only find this out the hard way, which is why I took this job in the first place.
As much as I enjoy spending time with the other trainees, we won't have this luxury at site, so I feel that I need to force myself to be away from that and spend quality (Portuguese) time with my host family. There are similar reasons to spend all our free time with the trainees, but I just don't think that way.
These entries should be arriving in two weeks from now, if not sooner. By then, the Xmas season will be starting and Thanksgiving will be right around the corner. I'm going to miss my traditional Thanksgiving in Virginia, seeing relatives and taking a nice long road trip with my father. It will be even stranger to have a Thanksgiving in the summer heat!
Please keep on writing - I've only received mail from my mother so far (!) but there are a bunch of us who know more is coming. It seems to arrive by the part of the country it departed from, in no particular order. I have a feeling Ohio will be this week, and I'll feel better having some letters from school friends.
Peace
John
Zach and I got haircuts today at a barbershop by the market. He has significantly more hair than I do.
The shop was about 15' long and about 8' wide. There was one lightbulb hanging from the ceiling and one outlet with an extension cord and power strip. Some men were fooling around with cell phones on one part of the power strip, and the electric razors were plugged into the other outlets.
My host father took us there, and he explained that we needed haircuts. I told the barber how short I wanted my hair (he cut it a little too short, but it's no big deal), and he took the electric razor to it. It was going very normally, and I was speaking to Zach in English.
One of the men working on the cellphones speaks a little English, and told me (in English) that "it's not nice to speak" a language that most people in the room cannot understand. He held fast by this rule, as he was later speaking Changara. But I was trying to communicate to Zach what this man was doing to my head, and I guess that could definitely be construed as rude!
After he cut most of my hair, he got to my neck. "Gentle" is not a concept for Mozambican barbers. It was downright painful how hard he shaved my hair away, and I let Zach secretly know this so he could be prepared.
Because Zach has so much hair, they ended up going to a backup electric razor - and instead of using scissors, they trimmed from about 6 inches down to about 3-4 inches with a razor. It was actually quite impressive.
The whole thing took about an hour and cost 35,000 Met each which translates to $1.50. You don't tip for anything here, as it's a communal society. The reasoning is that everyone has their job and always works hard at it. I want to give people a tip, but it just doesn't work.
I've found out that other people are recommending this journal as a way to find out how things are in Mozambique. So please communicate with your contact in Moz what you might like to hear about, and I'll try to describe it as best I can. But please keep in mind that my experiences can't help but be vastly different from your loved ones'!
We had discussions today regarding what we're doing for Halloween, and it seems like we're having a little party on Sunday afternoon with a movie and such.
I didn't want it to be on Sunday, because that's the only day I can spend entirely with my family. Some people see it as a day they do nothing, but to me, this time is important. This family has taken me in and wrapped their lives around my well-being - I feel like I owe them more than just one day a week!
I think it goes back to my perception of the volunteers working around the culture rather than with the culture. I've brought it up in conversation, and the concensus seems to be that it's too difficult. We are told that we can never be Mozambican, try as we might. It's not that I think they're wrong, it's just that I'm stubborn. I'll only find this out the hard way, which is why I took this job in the first place.
As much as I enjoy spending time with the other trainees, we won't have this luxury at site, so I feel that I need to force myself to be away from that and spend quality (Portuguese) time with my host family. There are similar reasons to spend all our free time with the trainees, but I just don't think that way.
These entries should be arriving in two weeks from now, if not sooner. By then, the Xmas season will be starting and Thanksgiving will be right around the corner. I'm going to miss my traditional Thanksgiving in Virginia, seeing relatives and taking a nice long road trip with my father. It will be even stranger to have a Thanksgiving in the summer heat!
Please keep on writing - I've only received mail from my mother so far (!) but there are a bunch of us who know more is coming. It seems to arrive by the part of the country it departed from, in no particular order. I have a feeling Ohio will be this week, and I'll feel better having some letters from school friends.
Peace
John
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