We got one turma done today at the grade council - the new pedagogical director is being incredibly strict and I hope this organization pays off later on. For the time being, she's disliked - just like the last ped director. I'm not liked because I'm strict in the classroom - is there a pattern here (other than hyphens)? My turms seems to have some of the highest grades in the 10th grade and it's an older turma that's not expected to do so well. Maybe I can actually take credit for some of that. Maybe.
Paul Theroux's book mentions Maputo and the train that runs up to my site. I've been meaning to take the train for a while, and as I hear it clearly from my window quite often, I feel that my next trip to Maputo should include it.
In the same breath, he mentions an old bit of advice for a do-gooder from their father. He roughly says that every life is unique, is special, and must be treated as such. Like this, you won't be able to touch many lives. But the reality is that you can't help everyone. So work on yourself first and focus on the little things in your life that make it so interesting.
My latest project, the study guide, is half-selfish, muscle-flexing, half-help.
Peace
John
Thursday, April 29, 2004
04/11/2004
I spent most of this weekend finalizing my study guide for 8th grade material (it's going to be a bit longer than I had hoped, but comprehensive), so now I just have to print it up. I've also started on "Dark Star Safari" by Paul Theroux. My mother warned me not to read it (until after I return) because it'd be too depressing, but ironically, I'm finding that it's quite close to how I'm finding Africa to be - and I DO find that fact depressing. He writes quite extensively about the presence of aid workers who don't get it. Meaning that there are tons of aid workers here who are so focused on accomplishing their self-serving goals, that they don't realize what the goals or motivations are of the people they're helping and that the aid they're giving might actually impoverish in the end. That we have the misguided vision that any help is better than none.
Missing from the maxim "Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll eat forever" is that if you give him a fish, he'll actually put off learning how to fish for TWO days because he's got a full belly and fully expects you to feed him again the next day. I do the same thing. When someone says to me "Here, take this pill and you won't get malaria" I take the pill and wait for the next dosage. I don't necessarily think about how I can go about avoiding malaria, without taking a pill in the first place. So do we really expect that people who are struggling for meals are going to have the presence of mind to say "No, thanks. I want you to teach me how to do that for myself."? I think what's sad is that exactly this is starting to happen because the victims are being further victimized by this behavior.
And then, when that is avoided, many of the methods for creating a sustainable infrastructure are completely UNsustainable. And why? Well, I'll give an example I developed with Nanosh today. Let's say there's some strife in the US and we end up at civil war again. The country divided into two factions, each having to rebuild based upon new ideals and realities. And let's say one of these factions finds Communism attractive to solve its problems. So we implement a Chinese-style government, educational system, etc., down to the letter. It would fail miserably. And not because Americans and Chinese are different racially. We're culturally - irrevocably - vastly different. Such a governing style isn't a manifestation of OUR culture and inherently doesn't work. Western solutions don't work in Africa 9 times out of 10, not because we don't try hard enough, or because the people here are stupid (definitely NOT the case), or because the solution is bad. It's that the solution doesn't match the culture. And the culture isn't looking for a solution because the culture doesn't yet see it as a problem. Take AIDS. We see AIDS as a problem because we're much more familiar with its effects, having combated it pretty thoroughly. But when we first dealt with AIDS, we were immature and cocky. We underestimated its potential and it ran relatively rampant. Nobody was over our shoulders saying "This is horrendous! It's a catastrophe!" We found enough out on our own and found our own solutions.
So I'm saying that Mozambique needs to find its own solutions, but I still think we can help. I still think we can help give the information about the disease and stir up activism - but as soon as we preach, we're feeding the man a fish and he won't eat nor learn how to fish. So long as we're offering temporary hope, real solutions won't be found.
Peace
John
Missing from the maxim "Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll eat forever" is that if you give him a fish, he'll actually put off learning how to fish for TWO days because he's got a full belly and fully expects you to feed him again the next day. I do the same thing. When someone says to me "Here, take this pill and you won't get malaria" I take the pill and wait for the next dosage. I don't necessarily think about how I can go about avoiding malaria, without taking a pill in the first place. So do we really expect that people who are struggling for meals are going to have the presence of mind to say "No, thanks. I want you to teach me how to do that for myself."? I think what's sad is that exactly this is starting to happen because the victims are being further victimized by this behavior.
And then, when that is avoided, many of the methods for creating a sustainable infrastructure are completely UNsustainable. And why? Well, I'll give an example I developed with Nanosh today. Let's say there's some strife in the US and we end up at civil war again. The country divided into two factions, each having to rebuild based upon new ideals and realities. And let's say one of these factions finds Communism attractive to solve its problems. So we implement a Chinese-style government, educational system, etc., down to the letter. It would fail miserably. And not because Americans and Chinese are different racially. We're culturally - irrevocably - vastly different. Such a governing style isn't a manifestation of OUR culture and inherently doesn't work. Western solutions don't work in Africa 9 times out of 10, not because we don't try hard enough, or because the people here are stupid (definitely NOT the case), or because the solution is bad. It's that the solution doesn't match the culture. And the culture isn't looking for a solution because the culture doesn't yet see it as a problem. Take AIDS. We see AIDS as a problem because we're much more familiar with its effects, having combated it pretty thoroughly. But when we first dealt with AIDS, we were immature and cocky. We underestimated its potential and it ran relatively rampant. Nobody was over our shoulders saying "This is horrendous! It's a catastrophe!" We found enough out on our own and found our own solutions.
So I'm saying that Mozambique needs to find its own solutions, but I still think we can help. I still think we can help give the information about the disease and stir up activism - but as soon as we preach, we're feeding the man a fish and he won't eat nor learn how to fish. So long as we're offering temporary hope, real solutions won't be found.
Peace
John
04/08/2004
I was in the middle of the presentations for my second-youngest turma today. Most of the groups had given decent reports of the material, with some small, well-made visual aids and a general knowledge of the material. Then, magic.
This one boy gets up - he always wears a uniform slightly lighter in color than the others, he's always got a half-smile on his face - a face that seems to flow right into his chest without any need for a neck - and he doesn't carry this awkwardness well - and he looks out at the class for a second. He starts by introducing the topic, and without a pause, doubt, or break in his presentation, tacks up a visual aid and with a ruler, points out every step of the process he's explaining so effortlessly and emotionally, that other students become utterly mesmerized. I had to tear myself away from listening to the pattern of his voice and the power of his presence long enough to observe the trance he had put his classmates into. I have never heard a room so silent.
He shifted from foot to foot as if he'd done it a thousand times - without pomp, without hamming it up, and explained for 5 minutes straight to a wowed audience. Everyone knew it when he had finished - it was clear that that was all there was to say on the subject - and he received a screaming, yelling round of applause.
Calmly, smiling, he took down his visual aid and walked back to his desk.
I feel like a turtle has popped out of his shell to show how miraculous life is, and then popped back in just to show you how you can miss all of it if you're not looking the right way.
Peace
John
This one boy gets up - he always wears a uniform slightly lighter in color than the others, he's always got a half-smile on his face - a face that seems to flow right into his chest without any need for a neck - and he doesn't carry this awkwardness well - and he looks out at the class for a second. He starts by introducing the topic, and without a pause, doubt, or break in his presentation, tacks up a visual aid and with a ruler, points out every step of the process he's explaining so effortlessly and emotionally, that other students become utterly mesmerized. I had to tear myself away from listening to the pattern of his voice and the power of his presence long enough to observe the trance he had put his classmates into. I have never heard a room so silent.
He shifted from foot to foot as if he'd done it a thousand times - without pomp, without hamming it up, and explained for 5 minutes straight to a wowed audience. Everyone knew it when he had finished - it was clear that that was all there was to say on the subject - and he received a screaming, yelling round of applause.
Calmly, smiling, he took down his visual aid and walked back to his desk.
I feel like a turtle has popped out of his shell to show how miraculous life is, and then popped back in just to show you how you can miss all of it if you're not looking the right way.
Peace
John
04/07/2004
It was Mozambican Womens' Day today. Blake had a farewell party this afternoon, so I helped the women do the cooking and clean up. Mozambicans were so surprised at this that they took pictures of Nanosh, Charles and I washing the dishes.
We then went to the bar a little later, and women were cleaning while a woman served us our beers. A bunch of men were drinking next to us, and a woman drinking was sitting alone inside. We showed a few boys how to play chess while watching women struggle with food and children through the mud.
We then went to get our own bread (ha!) and on the way, passed a late-closing pastry shop where two women were alone behind the counter. We stopped and spoke with them for a while, buying a couple of pastries.
Mainly, it seems that on this national holiday honoring women, I saw men wandering around aimlessly and women going about doing the work they do every single day. And even the women couldn't IMAGINE it being any different.
Tomorrow, I'll most likely see a few presentations, but be frustrated that more weren't presented. Rain, cold and motivation are all against me.
Peace
John
We then went to the bar a little later, and women were cleaning while a woman served us our beers. A bunch of men were drinking next to us, and a woman drinking was sitting alone inside. We showed a few boys how to play chess while watching women struggle with food and children through the mud.
We then went to get our own bread (ha!) and on the way, passed a late-closing pastry shop where two women were alone behind the counter. We stopped and spoke with them for a while, buying a couple of pastries.
Mainly, it seems that on this national holiday honoring women, I saw men wandering around aimlessly and women going about doing the work they do every single day. And even the women couldn't IMAGINE it being any different.
Tomorrow, I'll most likely see a few presentations, but be frustrated that more weren't presented. Rain, cold and motivation are all against me.
Peace
John
04/05/2004
I thought about going home today - about leaving this all because somebody wants to exploit the culture here, somebody else just wants to alleviate their guilt by dumping books, and somebody else wants to make money off of everyone else's desire to learn English. But I took a step back and realized why I see other people for their selfish motives and it's because I'm not seeing their humanity, which is the same as mine, essentially selfish. It's just how we use that selfishness that's the catch.
I graded a lot of my students' projects today - they're writing summaries of 8th grade topics to help their studies for the exams. In addition, they're writing different types of questions and doing presentations which have to include a visual aid of some sort. I can already see how far they've come from last year because many of the groups have clearly sought to understand the material, and their summaries reflect that. They start their presentations tomorrow, and I'm really psyched to see what they come up with.
The biggest challenge with the whole thing so far has been that they don't really know what a "sentence" is. I asked for 5 sentences, and I've received 5 lines, 5 paragraphs, and one of 5 sections. It's so basic a concept to me, I don't know how to explain what a sentence IS, other than that it starts with a capital letter and ends with a period. But they're putting together some excellent questions that drive to the heart of the concepts. I'm planning on compiling their projects into a study guide, and I think it will work really well - they've never had a textbook that has answered questions in it, so it might be hard to show them how to use it, but a wonderful asset at the end of the year.
Peace
John
I graded a lot of my students' projects today - they're writing summaries of 8th grade topics to help their studies for the exams. In addition, they're writing different types of questions and doing presentations which have to include a visual aid of some sort. I can already see how far they've come from last year because many of the groups have clearly sought to understand the material, and their summaries reflect that. They start their presentations tomorrow, and I'm really psyched to see what they come up with.
The biggest challenge with the whole thing so far has been that they don't really know what a "sentence" is. I asked for 5 sentences, and I've received 5 lines, 5 paragraphs, and one of 5 sections. It's so basic a concept to me, I don't know how to explain what a sentence IS, other than that it starts with a capital letter and ends with a period. But they're putting together some excellent questions that drive to the heart of the concepts. I'm planning on compiling their projects into a study guide, and I think it will work really well - they've never had a textbook that has answered questions in it, so it might be hard to show them how to use it, but a wonderful asset at the end of the year.
Peace
John
04/04/2004
Went to the beach today and it was very nice - good to get away, but still glad I'm not going to be voyaging very much this break. Gave me some time to think about this privilege issue.
It's quite arrogant for me to call it privilege. I didn't really define privilege in a context. It's very much financial privilege. It's having opportunities that others can only hope to have in their entire lives. And so by being born in America, I have a ton more opportunities than someone born Mozambican. The point is, I shouldn't feel guilty about that any more than a Mozambican should feel slighted. Someday, the situation may very well be reversed. I feel that my obligation as someone who has opportunities, is to make the most of these opportunities and possibly give them to others, so maybe they can give opportunities to even more people.
Maybe this is part of the truth I'm always seeking, that our spirits are defined by how we can express them - just like a genius will sound like a first grader in a new language, a society that has no outlet for being a good teacher, an honest politician(!), etc., will never produce one. The opportunity isn't there.
Peace
John
It's quite arrogant for me to call it privilege. I didn't really define privilege in a context. It's very much financial privilege. It's having opportunities that others can only hope to have in their entire lives. And so by being born in America, I have a ton more opportunities than someone born Mozambican. The point is, I shouldn't feel guilty about that any more than a Mozambican should feel slighted. Someday, the situation may very well be reversed. I feel that my obligation as someone who has opportunities, is to make the most of these opportunities and possibly give them to others, so maybe they can give opportunities to even more people.
Maybe this is part of the truth I'm always seeking, that our spirits are defined by how we can express them - just like a genius will sound like a first grader in a new language, a society that has no outlet for being a good teacher, an honest politician(!), etc., will never produce one. The opportunity isn't there.
Peace
John
04/03/2004
I still feel like "life" is on pause. I feel like this is one of these two-week programs I used to do for the experience. I feel like it's not quite real.
In some sense, it's not. I don't belong here, I'm not staying here, my heart's not here. But this is as much life as it is in the States.
I just can't imagine walking out of a movie theater to a snowy night, getting into a warm car and driving to an all-night diner, afterwards snuggling into bed to wake up and do it all over again. I can't imagine how normal I'd feel doing it and how overprivileged I'd truly be. I guess a part of me has always felt that way. I'll just know it for sure now.
And now I know what privilege is - it's not skin color or intelligence or financial prowess. It's where you're born. I remember at about 10 years old, thinking how lucky I was to be born American in the era in which I was born. I still feel that wonder at how much it affects and how deeply it affect every aspect of my current life. And if I were born Mozambican, I might be sitting in one of my classes, trying to figure out what this strange guy is really trying to get me to learn. But if I were born Mozambican, I'd most likely never break free of poverty, in some sense, and forever be a slave to my lack of privilege.
Peace
John
In some sense, it's not. I don't belong here, I'm not staying here, my heart's not here. But this is as much life as it is in the States.
I just can't imagine walking out of a movie theater to a snowy night, getting into a warm car and driving to an all-night diner, afterwards snuggling into bed to wake up and do it all over again. I can't imagine how normal I'd feel doing it and how overprivileged I'd truly be. I guess a part of me has always felt that way. I'll just know it for sure now.
And now I know what privilege is - it's not skin color or intelligence or financial prowess. It's where you're born. I remember at about 10 years old, thinking how lucky I was to be born American in the era in which I was born. I still feel that wonder at how much it affects and how deeply it affect every aspect of my current life. And if I were born Mozambican, I might be sitting in one of my classes, trying to figure out what this strange guy is really trying to get me to learn. But if I were born Mozambican, I'd most likely never break free of poverty, in some sense, and forever be a slave to my lack of privilege.
Peace
John
04/02/2004
I gave the same lesson four times today, but I gave four different lessons. Then, I gave my 8th grade lessons and they were fantastic. Carolina, another Biology teacher, watched my first lesson and noticed how many visual aids I used and how interactive the lesson was and seemed excited to use some of these concepts in her own lessons! I gave the same lesson a second time and felt the same success without the affirmation of another teacher.
I suppose that I somewhat dislike success, because it broadens the scope of what is possible and distracts me from my somewhat constant goal of figuring out exactly how to teach in this system. I suppose it's very scientific, my approach: try and prove a theory by disproving everything else. In this case, I don't really have a theory yet, as much as a good guess.
A girl - a really smart one - participated for the first time, voluntarily, in one of my classes today. She received a 100% on the last test, and I hope that's what boosted her confidence.
Peace
John
I suppose that I somewhat dislike success, because it broadens the scope of what is possible and distracts me from my somewhat constant goal of figuring out exactly how to teach in this system. I suppose it's very scientific, my approach: try and prove a theory by disproving everything else. In this case, I don't really have a theory yet, as much as a good guess.
A girl - a really smart one - participated for the first time, voluntarily, in one of my classes today. She received a 100% on the last test, and I hope that's what boosted her confidence.
Peace
John
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
04/01/2004
Every time it gets cold, the kids are uncontrollable. You add in April Fool's Day (here, Liar's Day) and it gets pretty unpredictable.
Throughout the day, I was playing a joke on classes, saying that they had a pop quiz - playing it straight, up until one of them actually brought their books to the front of the room. I was surprised they found it so clever (I wouldn't dare try that in the US and expect to be found "funny" by a group of kids). I even told a couple of secretaries that one of the other teachers had torn off all of his clothes and was running around outside naked - they started to look, then realized their mistake.
My students got me back by telling me that another teacher was calling me - so I went out to talk to him in the rain and came back to the same laughter I'd created. They asked if I was mad! It was pretty funny, all told. How could I be mad if I had done the same thing...
So it was in this context that someone from the secretary's office came by and told me that I needed to go see them right away. I was overseeing a lesson (a student was giving dictation) at the time, and so I thought for sure they were taking their turn with me. So I thought, "Well, I'll try and turn it around on them."
So I went past a few students I get along with well, and grabbed one who I know is a good actor. I told him what was going on and that my plan was for him to act sick - REAL sick - and pretend like we were going to the hospital. The idea was that their calling me in to the office as a joke would seem like an unnecessary inconvenience because I was escorting this poor student to the emergency room, and had to stop what I was doing just to get to the office.
Well, I walked in there, with my student next to me, doubled over in mock pain, and the head secretary shows me a photocopier that they just got and explains that they need someone who can read the instruction manual to put it together. At this moment, I laughingly pushed the student away and told the secretaries I'd be back to take care of it. The student and I had a good laugh outside at my paranoia, and his crappy acting job - they never even asked about him!
Peace
John
Throughout the day, I was playing a joke on classes, saying that they had a pop quiz - playing it straight, up until one of them actually brought their books to the front of the room. I was surprised they found it so clever (I wouldn't dare try that in the US and expect to be found "funny" by a group of kids). I even told a couple of secretaries that one of the other teachers had torn off all of his clothes and was running around outside naked - they started to look, then realized their mistake.
My students got me back by telling me that another teacher was calling me - so I went out to talk to him in the rain and came back to the same laughter I'd created. They asked if I was mad! It was pretty funny, all told. How could I be mad if I had done the same thing...
So it was in this context that someone from the secretary's office came by and told me that I needed to go see them right away. I was overseeing a lesson (a student was giving dictation) at the time, and so I thought for sure they were taking their turn with me. So I thought, "Well, I'll try and turn it around on them."
So I went past a few students I get along with well, and grabbed one who I know is a good actor. I told him what was going on and that my plan was for him to act sick - REAL sick - and pretend like we were going to the hospital. The idea was that their calling me in to the office as a joke would seem like an unnecessary inconvenience because I was escorting this poor student to the emergency room, and had to stop what I was doing just to get to the office.
Well, I walked in there, with my student next to me, doubled over in mock pain, and the head secretary shows me a photocopier that they just got and explains that they need someone who can read the instruction manual to put it together. At this moment, I laughingly pushed the student away and told the secretaries I'd be back to take care of it. The student and I had a good laugh outside at my paranoia, and his crappy acting job - they never even asked about him!
Peace
John
03/30/2004
Here, you realize how tightly you must hold on to small victories. I think my students have renewed vigor after seeing high test scores and their efforts validated. The next step is to see how they do on their trimesterly projects on 8th grade material.
Even though I didn't teach all that much (though 5 lessons can sound like a lot, out of context) today, I got super tired. I think it's just built-up fatique from grading papers and giving classes/proctoring exams for a week and a half straight. Resting up tomorrow and getting some things done around the house will be nice.
Word has hit that Horacio, a Peace Corps driver, died a couple of days ago. I remember that he always greeted me in Changana and remarked on "how great" it was that I was learning and making an effort. We'd speak in Changana about our health, the health of our families, what we were doing, where we were going. He would always make me feel special, and I always tried to return the favor.
All told, death is tough to understand.
Peace
John
Even though I didn't teach all that much (though 5 lessons can sound like a lot, out of context) today, I got super tired. I think it's just built-up fatique from grading papers and giving classes/proctoring exams for a week and a half straight. Resting up tomorrow and getting some things done around the house will be nice.
Word has hit that Horacio, a Peace Corps driver, died a couple of days ago. I remember that he always greeted me in Changana and remarked on "how great" it was that I was learning and making an effort. We'd speak in Changana about our health, the health of our families, what we were doing, where we were going. He would always make me feel special, and I always tried to return the favor.
All told, death is tough to understand.
Peace
John
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