I said bye to my 8th graders today. It wasn't really emotional at all. I don't think we ever really connected -- I was just too busy.
Nanosh saw a guy dragging a girl along behind him, clearly involuntarily on her part, as they were heading out to the fields [just outside Chokwe]. He asked him if she wanted to be going along with him, and she responded that she really didn't. He got the name of her family out of her and tried to contact one of them to no avail. The guy couldn't care less. Nanosh was beat up about it, but it just seems so normal now. And I hate that. It's as if I've lost hope, that fearless idealism that endears you to many while making inevitable enemies of a few. I feel like I subscribe too strictly to the idea that change cannot be a 180 degree turn but a little nudge in the direction things were already going. The great leaders have all ridden waves and it makes sense. Not that I'm looking to be a great leader.
I think I need to reclaim my idealism. It's still in me, but has taken a beating. Over the past couple days, I read "The Life of Pi" and it was a wonderful story. I don't know that it brings up a whole lot of philosophical questions, but it's fun and a good read. As we all feel like Pi at some point, drifting along and alone as the cliche goes, I suppose it hits in universal nerves. Especially as I'm about to go through the loneliest part. Leaving everything that has transformed me over the last two years. And going back to the place where I can ride the waves of change and see if they are waves I want to ride. Realizing that life has no pause button, that everything is 2 1/2 years older than when I left.
I'm giving test prep now in school, and it's sad. This is my last chance to finalize my contributions here and really put some closure into my experience here.
Peace,
John
